My husband and I have sex everyday; sometimes 2-3 times a day so that is not the problem. The problem I have is that ever since I had my son 9 months ago, he no longer wants to make love to me. He tells me that we don’t have time and that is why he just takes me from behind. It is always quick; no more then 2-3 minutes, with no holding, touching, kissing or foreplay. I tried talking to him about this and get told to grow up and that I am just lucky we are even having sex. I feel that he is not attracted to me and that’s why it is always only from behind and that he can never look at me or even kiss me. He claims that is what he prefers and it turns him on. Does that really happen or is that just an excuse for him not to look at me, hold me, kiss me and even make love to me?
ANSWER
There is something terribly wrong with your husband’s behavior. I suggest you do not ignore it and do not carry on as if everything were ok. Husbands losing sexual interest in their wives following the birth of a child is unfortunate, but not uncommon. There can be many factors involved.
Consider how things were sexually before the pregnancy and during the pregnancy. Is this really a big change for the worse or was sex somewhat like that even then?
Consider if there may be another woman involved.
Consider if he is perhaps feeling alienated from you because of the massive shift of your focus and attention to caring for the new baby.
Are you breastfeeding? Some men are intimidated, others irrationally jealous that your breasts are no longer just for them.
Let him know you will not accept only making love in the doggy position, him taking you from behind. Let him know you require longer periods of time in foreplay, with lots of kissing, sensual caresses, and words of love, appreciation and endearment. Let him know that you expect lovemaking to last much longer than a few minutes, for example an hour or more, at least!
If he lacks lover’s skills, consider buying some of our books, eBooks, or videos to learn, or attend a weekend Tantra workshop which we offer monthly.
If he is completely stuck, suggest some form of therapy.
All good things,
4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com
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