Are You With a Manipulator

Are you forever falling short of his or her expectation? Do you always feel guilty about something you’ve done or not done or said or not said? People who are manipulated always feel that everything is their fault. It’s manipulation to shift the blame to you and which continually depletes your self-confidence. When you complain about things you’re told you’re making a mountain out of a molehill or accused of re-creating the inquisition.

Does your partner make you feel guilty for being upset by saying things like “You treat me like this after I spent x dollars taking you out to dinner? What kind of thanks is that?” Their bad behavior is never their fault – it will always be yours. You made me do it.

Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells most of the time and breaking the eggs for no real reason? Whether you do something “wrong” or don’t do anything at all, there’s a big blowup and you try your best to smooth things over so everyone can relax. Sometimes you’re showered with affection and other times it’s like you don’t exist.
Maybe you don’t tell your partner about things you buy or places you’ve gone or are planning to go because you don’t want to face displeasure about any of it. It’s often easier to keep things a secret than go through the pain and discomfort of yet another harangue.

Are you unhappy at least 85% of the time but you keep getting reminded about the 15% of the time that things are good and how you wouldn’t want to give that up.

If any of this describes your relationship – you’re with a manipulator and sad as it is to hear, it will most probably never change. Nobody is a born manipulator — it’s all learned and probably from early childhood which makes changing that behavior next to impossible. You’d be better off learning ways to protect yourself from it or move on to a relationship with a lot less stress.

Don’t waste your time wondering how you got hooked up with this goofhead, it doesn’t matter, but it’s probably because you’re a pleaser and maybe have a lack of self-worth and self-confidence

If a few or more of these statements described your relationship, you’re likely with a manipulator, and the bad news is, he is unlikely to change.

“Manipulation is a learned behavior — no one is born with it. It’s very much a survival strategy learned from early childhood and therefore changing the behavior is near impossible,” says Casey. “Your time is better invested in developing strategies to protect yourselves, because you can never change a manipulator’s actions.

In other words, dump the jerk and then look into how you attracted him in the first place. People who attract manipulators tend to lack self-worth and assertiveness, and they tend to be people pleasers. They hope things will change until they sit back and realize how long they have been unhappy. You’ll never be the person he or she wants you to be – so dump them and become the person YOU want to be.

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